Sunday, June 7, 2009

The wrong side of the bed?

There's an old saying about 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed' that serves to tell others you're having a bad day. It's always been a bit strange to me. I mean, even when I was single I had a double bed all to myself, I don't recall ever having woken up on the other side of it. How does that happen exactly? And if it did happen, I'm not sure I'd have gotten out on that side, I would've just shimmied my way over to the 'right' side and went about my day. Now I share a bed, and now it would be virtually impossible to wake up on the wrong side - I mean, seriously, what kind of sleep are you getting if you actually switch places at some point in the middle of the night. It's not like Ole gets up to go to the bathroom and comes back and shoves me over while I'm sleeping. Zoe does try to shove me over, but not to the wrong side, she's just shoving me OFF the bed more than anything. So, no, I don't wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

Based on personal experience, I think a more accurate description of a day filled with confusion, is one described as 'having showered out of order'. Let me explain. Unless I'm the oddball (no worries, it's happened before), I'm assuming that most people have a routine when it comes to showering. Something you do every day (or at least most days) and probably something you do in the same order, each day, without thinking. Mine has always been:

  1. Get wet
  2. Apply shampoo, rinse (no need to repeat, those directions on the bottle serve only to sell more shampoo)
  3. Apply conditioner
  4. While conditioner soaks in, soap up and rinse
  5. Shave legs
  6. Rinse out conditioner
  7. Stand under hot water and contemplate the meaning of life (optional - depending on time)

Then it's time to move on to the drying stage of the routine. So I reach for the towel (mine is furthest from the shower, and no, I don't know why, considering that of those who use towels in this house, I have the shorter arms, but oh well, it's not like I'm bitter about it) and once I have grabbed the towel, the face is dried first. The rest is a bit tough to describe, because I'm not really conscious of how it's done, it's just done. However, the last step of the process involves turning around to face the shower, followed by flipping the head upside down, throwing the towel around the shoulders, then wrapping said towel around all hair and turning right side up again so that I end up looking a bit like a naked Carmen Miranda minus the fruit basket on top.

There have been days that, for inexplicable reasons, things suddenly get out of order and that out of order-ness, in and of itself, can throw off everything that happens for the rest of my day. Like accidentally grabbing conditioner before the shampoo. Or applying shampoo for a second time when it was actually time for the conditioner. Or suddenly shaving my legs before having shampooed. Any of those things will cause not only the rest of the shower to be in a complete state of disarray and confusion, but the rest of my day!

In the past 3 weeks I have gone from thick, curly hair in need of deep conditioner, to short hair I wasn't sure what to do with, to short hair being pulled out in seemingly bizarre clumps, to no hair. For the 3 weeks that I had short hair, I didn't know what to do with it. Seriously. How much shampoo do I use? Do I even need conditioner now? Does this shampoo make my hair spike a bit more or lay down flat (I was going for the spiky)?

Through all of the short hair phase, I kept my drying routine, and dutifully kept doing my big hair flip only to be suddenly reminded, each and every time, that there was nothing left to flip. Really cuts down on the drying time but (til gengæld), added to the styling time because I couldn't figure out what the heck to do with the hair - gel, no gel, mousse perhaps, hairspray, what to do, what to do - each day became a new experiment. Some were successful, but were doomed not to be repeated as I couldn't quite figure out by the time the next day rolled around, what exactly I had ended up doing with the hair the previous day.

And then, the short hair exploded in hand fulls. And finally, I pulled out the clipper, and took off what remained. Yes, it was an extreme move, but quite fun actually and what was left was nothing short of irritating and no longer necessary. Now I'm just a stubble strewn head in a world full of hair. If you think going from long hair to short hair messed up the shower routine, try going to NO hair! I'm no longer quite sure what to do with myself in there. I've officially moved on to the Reader's Digest Condensed version of 'how to take a shower':

  1. Get wet
  2. Soap up and rinse
  3. Stand there dazed and confused wondering if that's all there is to it
  4. Stand under hot water and contemplate the meaning of life (fully dependent on the length of time spent on #3)
So, what do you think? Are you a wrong side of the bed person or shower out of order person? Or are you now just shaking your head trying to figure out why I'm so strange?


  1. I'm a shower out of order person...any wild card throws me completely off balance.

    LOL *laughs at self* balance!!!

  2. Hm, interesting. I just thought about it, and my showers are more cyclical. I shower purely to get wet 3 out of 4 days, on the fourth day I use conditioner. Then, every 8 days or so I shampoo my hair thoroughly, but only every 8 days. Shampooing makes my curls act up. Then, every ten days I shave. Always a mixed bag with me.

    Only thing that gets me out of wack is the days we wake up to an empty coffee canister!!! Throws everything off.

    Oh yeah! I just remembered. Two weeks ago, I started dry brushing myself every morning before showering. (google it). It's fabulous, and I've become addicted in no time. So these last three days on Bornholm without my dry brush have been a bit odd. I feel all dry, and scaly.

  3. DEFINTLELY the out of order shower type person here.

  4. Same here - I'm a shower out of order person. I had a hell of a time the first time I went from long to very short hair. Hey, now that you have more time to contemplate the meaning of life, maybe you'll find the answer! ;-P

  5. Im the shower out of order person. The hair thing is a bit tricky for me. I try not to shampoo too often because it totally throws my hair out of whack. Perhaps thrice a week but I stand there contemplating as I shower, do I shampoo today? what about tomorrow?

  6. It's difficult finding the right shampoo to conditioner ratio even on a good day. What does that make me?

  7. Your perspective on all this is such an encouragement to all of us.... just the way you present it makes me realize that we can never lose hope!

    And it is an everyday leg shaver, you and I have the SAME SHOWER ROUTINE!! I knew I liked you.....

  8. I have an order in everything I do...even washing dishes. I wash cups, silverware, dishes, then pots and pans. If things get messed up I can't handle it.

    Your shower routine is the same as mine...

  9. I have no particular order: sometimes I wash my hair first and sometimes myself first... I like a bit of change! ;-)

  10. I am an order oriented type person, my shower order changes with the season oddly enough! In the winter I like to shower at night and don't wash my hair every night, in the summer I like to shower in the morning and tend to wash my hair every day...I am an oddity! LOL

  11. My whole morning routine is a routine (because I'm not awake until that second cup of coffee) and if it gets out of whack it's a sucky day for sure. I've never had the time to go back and start again... I wonder if beginning the routine again from the start would help??

  12. What a humorous post, never thought about this before. Then again, I'm a tub to soak as much as I can!

  13. I'm totally reliant on my shower routine. Even the order in which everything leads up to the shower taking: start coffee, take dog out, schlep around rubbing eyes and wondering what the hell I'm doing.... I get totally thrown off if any of it is changed!


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