Thursday, January 14, 2010

Dear Google...

I know you have big plans to take over the world and I know that slowly but surely, you seem to be achieving that plan. I also know I'm just one small cog in the big internet wheel but you've already touched my life in many ways. Oh how I love your search engine, my free Picasa, my free blog, my google docs, my calendar, my google reader, and of course, the lovely iGoogle to bring it all together so nicely. Seriously, you do make my internet life much easier.

I had something on my Google toolbar before the last upgrade - a tiny little thing called "Translate". I didn't use it often but now and then, depending on my level of laziness on a particular day, I would hit the button and voila, you would translate the page... sort of. Oh sure, there were problems along the way like the day you told me "Æbleskiver bagt på pande = Apple slices baked on the forehead" but I let it slide. I can read Danish after all, and I do try to help you whenever I can with your little "contribute a better translation" link. Mostly I do that when I'm bored, or when your translation has just gone so horribly wrong. Those Danes and their crazy ending the subject with the "the" instead of putting the "the" in front of the subject - I get it, I know it's hard. But overall, the translate button was handy if/when I needed (read: lazy) it.

But now you've gone and updated the Google toolbar. I had no choice but to get the 'new' version when I got the new computer, and... now you've gone too far. No longer is Translate just an innocent little button just waiting to be pressed. Nooooo. Now you ask me each and every time I go to a page that (you decide) isn't in English, if I would like you to translate that page for me. I don't want to say "never do this" because then, when I need you most (surfing for spas in Poland), you won't be there for me. Why is it always all or nothing? I suppose, given time, I will learn to live with your interruptions, but I do have one tiny request...

Please, for all that is sacred, stop telling me that Bejeweled Blitz is in Danish/Ukranian/Bakmel or whatever the language of the day seems to be, and asking me if I want you to translate it. No, I don't want or need the page translated! It's Bejeweled Blitz - it's the universal language of gaming addiction - it requires no translation, so cut it out already, would you?!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some apple slices to bake on my forehead and a game to get back to. Thank you for listening.


google user and bejeweled blitz addict (not necessarily in that order)


  1. Yeah, that bugs me as well - not that I have the toolbar, but that because my compter setting is German, Google likes to insist that everything should be German.

  2. Hahahaha, this is so true. I hope Google reads this..and when they do let me suggest also a better translation program. I used Google translate to write my friend in Finland and she said she never laughed so hard. So I have no idea what Google translated but it was obviously hillarious and I don't think I'm that write in English now...

  3. Well said. And how annoying that thing is! But if it means we get great blog posts like this one, I guess the annoyance is worth it!!

  4. LOL! Too funny. I find the whole translate bar a tad annoying. I'm far too lazy, so I always hit....translate. The translation is ok, but the baking of apple slices on your forehead is priceless!

  5. They're programming the tool bar to act like a 6 year old child. It's top secret.

  6. Hilarious - baked apples on the forehead? Could be a new Danish dish...

  7. I shoulda known this would be related to Bejeweled!!! Of course, Google could argue that its change has not impacted your scores in the slightest :)!! HPB

  8. Hilarious. I know well that feeling of barely-controlled rage when trying to write a polite note of criticism!


Questions, Comments, Snide Remarks?

Blog Widget by LinkWithin