Monday, July 13, 2009

Coffee and Diapers and ... Seriously?

I was curious so I headed over to google in an attempt to learn what are the most popular grocery items. Now, going with the theory that the first link is the best, I was taken to the following page of bestselling items under the category of Grocery, at

I'll give you a few minutes to peruse that list - hurry back!


Oh good, you're back. If you're like me, this particular list will raise more questions than answers. Let's review.

The #1 item is coffee. That in itself isn't really a surprise. The interesting part is that the #1 coffee on amazon comes in 'frustration-free packaging'. I can't remember ever becoming frustrated when attempting to open a package of coffee, and remember, this is before my first cup of the day. Annoyed perhaps, that a new bag must be opened, but not frustrated. If your 'normal' coffee ends up causing you frustration, perhaps you're buying the wrong brand, or maybe you need some help - let's be honest, is coffee really the source of your frustration?

I can't help but picture some woman with frazzled hair answering the doorbell to receive that package, tearing into the coffee (minus the normal frustration) and just snorting the ground up coffee, thereby skipping the entire brewing process - which, mind you, could be somewhat frustrating.

So we move onto #2 -some sort of accessory for a Braun shaver that apparently "leaves your shaver thoroughly and hygienically clean for a better shaving performance every day". Really. There goes my theory of the frazzled woman - apparently it's metrosexual men that are shopping for coffee at Amazon. And thingies for their shavers. If these thingies are the #2 item, these men are either incredibly hairy, hence requiring the daily changing of this item and purchase of so many of these, or incredibly concerned about the cleanliness of their Braun shavers. You decide.

Then there's some more coffee -with frustrating packaging I assume - then we move on to item #4 - baby wipes. Okay, now this one at least makes some sense. Anyone with a baby needs them and I suppose you go through them rather quickly. I'm down with that.

More coffee... more baby wipes... some fruit roll-ups which, I guess, are for said babies... now we get to the weight loss pills. No surprise there, honestly, you just had a baby, right?

Now we get some sort of powdered product, typically found at GNC. The object of this drink is "For maintaining and increasing lean muscle mass". Not really sure if it's the hairy men or the frazzle-haired new moms buying this one. I'm gonna assume it's the hairy men.

More baby wipes, more coffee, more shaving accessories.. hmm.. #12 - Organic chocolate coconut bar. Maybe it's sold only on Amazon?

Coffee, coffee, coffee, wipes, wipes... white strips (#18) and toothbrushes (#19)! Ahh, clean teeth does kind of go with the shaving obsession. Clean teeth, white teeth, check.

More wipes, more coffee... diapers! Where there are baby wipes, there are diapers.

#23 -
Let's move on... As we continue further down the list of the top 100, there seems to be an overall theme of babies and coffee with the occasional personal care item thrown in here and there. #33 is Prilosec - acid reducer. Considering that about 20 of the top 30 are coffee, it's no surprise that acid-reducer may be needed, particularly if you consider these coffee drinkers also have babies.

Then we get to #56 - "K-Y Intense Arousal Gel For Her". Seriously? At this point, I'm going to recommend that our frazzle-haired woman and her hairy, metrosexual husband may want to focus their attention elsewhere. Really. Perhaps this is what got you into this whole baby mess in the first place.

Now, if you're like me (which you probably won't admit to if you are, and who could blame you) as you scrolled through this list of the 100 most popular grocery items, you learned something. I'm not sure if you learned something about humanity in general, or just Amazon shoppers, but chances are you noticed that someone, somewhere has an obsession with coconut flavored products, there are many people purchasing baby wipes at amazon, and coffee. Who knew this many people purchased their coffee, in bulk, via the internet. Oh, and they shave - often.

But nothing jumped out at me quite like #74.

Ladies and gentleman - I present to you - the most ridiculous and insulting representation of an American president - ever...

Chia Obama Handmade Decorative Planter

I kid you not - it's an Obama chia-pet that, in truth, looks nothing like Obama. If I were president and that were me, I'd be using that power of office thing to get that representation of me off the market. Does anyone need to be growing weeds out of the president's head? And, oh look... it comes in both 'happy' and 'determined' - maybe I'll buy both so I can put the appropriate Obama chia-head in my office window each day.

After that item appeared, I pretty much gave up on the rest of the list. The shock value of that alone made me close the browser.

And now that I've looked at the list again, all the way, my whole hairy man theory is out the window...

#98 - Rogaine for Men Hair Regrowth Treatment

Or maybe the only place he's missing hair is on his head.


  1. Oh Patti - this post just cracked me up! Manufacturers never miss a trick do they.. the Chia Obama Weed Grower thingy... Whatever next?

  2. Excellent, very funny post! I've never been frustrated by opening coffee either, now cheese on the other hand...

  3. An Obama chia pet? That sounds vaguely treasonous.

  4. It's making a move. He's already jumped to number 60!

  5. And I've noticed that many american men with male pattern baldness are extremely hairy elsewhere. (These individuals should not be compared to bald Danish men who seem on the whole to have the right amount of hair elsewhere... as far as I can see. Not that I've seen a lot of naked bald Danish men. In fact, I have NEVER seen a naked bald Danish man. But I have NOT seen hair sticking up out of the collar on the bald Danish men I HAVE seen, which I admit is not the best evidence for lack of hairyness, but one does what one can.)

  6. makes me proud to be an american when I see that Chia... sad, sad, sad... :o)

    what a fun thing to do!!

  7. Hahahha....oh this is great. Frustration-free packaging? Never heard of it.

    However, I must say that the most frustrating thing for me to open is whatever Emma wants and I can't get open quick enough.


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