Saturday, March 14, 2009

This Sucks!

Having pets mean that I have a certain obsession with vacuum cleaners. And, little patience for vacuums that don't actually do what they're supposed to do! Due to the difference in voltage, upon leaving Washington, I had to part with my beloved Dyson Animal upright vacuum cleaner. That piece of purple plastic was a very good friend to me and I was so sad the day I sold it on craigslist, but part with it I did. Frankly, I would've brought it and attached it to a voltage converter but I was told that wouldn't work with a vacuum cleaner - pooey!

Prior to my arrival in DK, Ole had already moved into our new house. He had an extremely old vacuum that definitely needed to be replaced. So, my mother-in-law had purchased a new vacuum for our house, made by Melissa. Who's that? Well, Melissa is a good friend of ours. Basically, if there is a small household appliance on the market, Melissa will make a copy of it, slap her name on it, and sell it for 10% of the price of a name brand item. We often stop at the Melissa pile at Bilka to see what new things she may have come up with. Melissa's appliances are just perfect for those little things you want to own that you think you absolutely MUST have, but that you'll only end up using 2 times a year... The sun-lamp that was supposed to chase away the winter darkness blues (if you bother to plug it in and turn it on and have 10 minutes to stare into the bright lights), the mini-blender you purchase because it's just so darn cute and could be handy (if you ever cooked), the pet trimming kit that you'll use to trim the fur between the dogs pads (if the dog will let you get within 2 meters of said paws with said machine in hand) - you get the picture. That being said, Melissa's version of a vacuum? Not cutting it, or more accurately, not sucking it.

We had a few DK gift cards amongst our wedding gifts so I thought purchasing a new vacuum would be the perfect use of the cards! Off we trotted to Inspiration (or was it Imerco, or Kop og Kande - can't remember) to admire all the vacuums available. Most were beyond what our gift card could afford, and an actual Dyson was WAY WAY beyond what our gift card could cover - but there, sitting on the shelf, was a pretty, sleek, ice gray vacuum that looked like it may just do the job. It was bagless, and like every other vacuum in DK, a canister vac. If you prefer upright vacuums, you're out of luck in this country - they do NOT exist. Anywhere. The vacuum was made by OBH Nordica and it went home with us. I was so, so, so excited. I proceeded to vacuum every floor I could find with even a speck of cat hair on it. I was in love.

And then, I wasn't. My love for this vacuum ended the moment it stopped sucking. Oh sure, it made a good effort, but despite it's claim of cyclone technology, it had a stupid design. It contained a filter that cat hair could just cling on to, a filter impossible to clean off, a filter that couldn't be changed, a filter that was plainly and simply - completely faulty design. Pooey!

And so the begging began. Please, please, please let me buy a Dyson. All the problems of the world could be solved with a Dyson. It's the wonder vac - the vac of all vacs. My pleas were met with a scowl. NO WAY were we going to spend that much money on a vacuum. Men. I don't care that a Dyson in DK is listed at a minimum of 2800 DKK ($560) - must have Dyson!

As time went on, we added a dog to the 4 cats - a dog that dropped more fur than 4 cats had ever shed, and still no decent vacuum. I stomped my feet, but it did no good. Men. Then, one morning, Ole was scanning the local weekly paper, and there, in the corner, sat a little notice. A local appliance store was selling off all their Dyson floor models for under 1000 DKK. It would be first come, first serve. It would begin at 9 AM on Saturday morning. We, would be there.

I feared that people would sleep there the night before to be first in line. I feared we would miss out on this great chance. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement - I was trying to control my excitement just in case we weren't there in time and missed out. We arrived at the store at approximately 8:30 AM. There was no mob, just a neat, orderly line of approximately 15 people queued up in front of us. I guess Danes don't do the whole sleep out, stampede the store, thing. Either that, or most never saw the notice in the paper, or they didn't know what a Dyson was and how it could change their lives. Or, Danes just don't have that much dirt.

At about 8:55, a gentleman came out of the store and told us that the vacuums were in one area in the back of the store and that he would go ahead and open the door. We followed the orderly queue into the store and then GOOOOOO... people were quickly snatching up those vacuums. There was no time for browsing - I wanted the biggest one that was available, but for fear of losing any possibility of ANY one at all, I put my hand on a smaller model and started carrying it around while scanning the room to see what else was there. My man redeemed himself. Ole strolled over with the DC-19 - the big one. I loosened my grip on the little model and allowed another lucky being to stake their claim on it. I had my Dyson. My perfect vacuum. My savior in the world. The ultimate fighter of cat and dog hair, and whatever else may be on our floors.

I spent that day vacuuming every floor, ceiling, door jam, and surface. There was not a speck of anything left to be sucked. There was peace in Karup, DK. The rejoicing began.


  1. I rarely vaccum...I find the fur on the floor soft and cozy to walk on...a nice insulation from the fridged Nordic floors...hahahaha..seriously, I have no idea what the name of my sweeper is, he has no wheels left on it and it's so hard to find the bags for him..though I killed him once so we went off and bought a cheap NO BAG sweeper at some car parts store...yeah..that was sucks HORRIBLY...was afraid I was stuck with that one until by some miracle my wheel-less old sweeper came back to like a champ that ol' piece of crap...hahahahaha..

  2. I rather like the new one we have. I think it's a Miele. It has a HEPA filter, which was a must in this house (no pets but my god a lot of dust and I have allergies), and three spinny wheels so that it can go in any direction I kick it. We got it as a combo Wedding/Christmas present from my in-laws, who had first bought us the most hideous piece of art I've ever seen. How my husband sucked up the balls to give it back to them and beg for a vacuum I'll never know. I would have chickened out. It has bags, but that's fine for me, and this fantastic dial to change the power of the suck. My husband still does most of the vacuuming, since I developed a phobia - I'm convinced our old vacuum cleaner was out to kill me. I'd be going along, trying to get it to suck up the dust bunny in the corner (no suck on the old machine) and the wheels would fall of, the cord would drop out of the socket (no, I didn't pull it out, it would just fall out), the hose would pop out, and the sucky part at the front would suddenly twist around, stick and then fall off. I'd be standing in the middle of the room with a vacuum in 5 parts.

    Way to go Ole!

  3. I am almost crying in jealousy!

    I want a dyson!!!!

    We have been through so many hoovers here and they have all.bee.crap.

    If not a dyson, what is the next best thing then?

    Oh. There is no next best thing.


    *no, REALLY crying*

  4. It's funny you post this. We have been having the great vacuum debate in our house as well. We looked at several Dysons at punkt the other day but I am holding out for the mother of them all, the pet vac version. Oh and we know Melissa all too well. We have her toaster and hot water kettle! Great post and you totally wrote some things I would have said.

  5. I am so glad you did not have to act all American in that store and knock someone down!!! But anything for a good vacuum!! I have a friend with a dyson and she SWEARS by that sucker.... no pun intended! LOL


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